All I ever wanted
by guren666
Summary: You know the saying: "You don t know what you have untill you lose it?" Well, in Mello s case it was the pure truth.


All I ever wanted

AN: Okay, people. This is a oneshot. It cointains explicit scenes of Near´s crazy mind, blood and gore. Plus, it is very SAD. You have been warned. Oh, I almost forgot. It is written in Near´s POV.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Death Note. If I did, Near and Mello would be doing a lot of yaoi things in anime and manga:D

I´m sick of people, who think that I´m fragile and defenseless. Like Mello. He often took advantage of me and beat the crap out of and I had to spend a week in infirmary.

But now, that I have nothing to lose, I´ll take my revenge. Okay, first things first. In my room I´ve picked up a solid sharp knife from my desk drawer. I kind od "borrowed" it from B, when he was taken away. Because he killed A.

I no longer have the desire to live. What for? To become L´s successor? No, that never was my intention. I only wanted Mello to recognize me. That was my wish. He apparently did, but not the way I imagined it. While I loved him, YES, I LOVED him, he hated me. For being myself. I fought tears back. Today is Sunday. No classes. We can go out to city or stay here. I stay, because Mello is staying, too.

I exited my room and went to Mello´s room. No one was on the corridor. I smiled. Perfect. So far, everything was going just as planned. I stood before Mello´s room. I breathed in to calm down and slowly opened the door. I didn´t bother with knocking. Mello was sitting behind the desk and he listened to his MP4.

I quietly closed the door and approached him from behind. I pulled out the knife from my pocket and hold it tightly. Now or never. I raised my hands in attempt to stab him, but my hands were shaking. What am I waiting for? I HATE HIM! I hate him! I hate him… My hands were still shaking. For what purpose am I lying to myself? I love him so much, that it hurts.

I only stood there and stared at his back, knife in my hand. I could´t force myself to hurt him. I know he hated me, that my love shall never be returned. That I would be better without him. And yet I cannot do it. Then , Mello finally noticed my presence. He turned off the MP4 and saw his visitor.

"Near! You? That knife! " His expression was shocked. I escaped his gaze and backed off. "You, you wanted to kill me?" He questioned , still horrified. I looked straight in his eyes. "Yes, that was my intention, but I changed my mind." Mello stood up and stared at me. Before he could reach me, I raised the knife so, that it was facing my chest. To be correct, my hearth. Mello realized what I was about to do. He rose his hand.

"Near! Don´t do that!" He shouted. I gave him a creepy smile. "It´s already too late for me. " And I stabbed myself into my hearth. I immediatelly bagan to feel enormous pain. I fell on the ground and the knife landed beside me. Surprisingly, Mello dashed to me. He kneeled down beside me and held me. Mello took the knife away from me and threw it somewhere out of my sight. He was still in shock. Mello took my hand.

"Shit! You´re losing your pulse! Dammit! Why did you stab yourself in the first place?" I looked at him. I was feeling weaker every second. He stood up hastily and looked around. He found his cell phone and called ambulance. I tried to protest.

"No, let me die!" Mello came back to me and hold me again. "Near, I am still waiting for your fucking answer!" I coughed out some blood. Damn, is death supposed to take so long? "Don´t pretend that you are worried. Now, that I´ll die, you´ll become number one. Doesn´t it make you happy? I never hated you. In fact, I love you. That´s why I became number one. I wanted you to notice me. I wanted to walk with you, to talk with you. That´s all I ever wanted. At least now, I´ll make you happy. For once." He clenched his teeth. I giggled. Tears were running loose from his blue eyes. Mello shook with me. "But, that´s exactly what I ever wished for! For you to notice me!" I tried to look at him, but my vision was beginning to blurry. He held my hands gently. " Mello, will you listen to my last request?" I asked. "You are not going to die! Snap out of it!" I breathed heavily." Mello, please, I don´t have much time left…" My throat was dry. I could barely speak.


End file.
